| 1 i love you
(boonton, new jersey. born in a moment when the sunlight was warm and bright and two faces were so close.)
lately i've been trying to find you
i've looked in all of my dreams
but all i've been able to find
are rooms full of broken things
and i miss you so much some nights i
get up and walk the dark streets
and i hope that one day you'll open your heart
and let me come in just long enough to tell you
i love you, i love you, i love you
and i always will
i love you, i love you, i love you
and i always will
today you stood on my doorstep
sunlight on your pretty face
and i had to step inside for just a moment
'cause you took my breath away
divorce was the answer i reminded myself
as you and the kids drove away
and i hope that one day you'll open your heart
and let me come in just long enough to tell you
i love you, i love you, i love you
and i always will
i love you, i love you, i love you
and i always will
night falls and i'm still thinking of you
i get my coat and go for a walk
and i guess it's only wishful thinking
we'll ever sit down again just to talk
and joint custody is as close as we'll get
and there's no moon to light up the dark
and i pray that one day you'll open your heart
and let me come in just long enough to show you
i love you, i love you, i love you
and i always will
i love you, i love you, i love you
and i always will
2 i wish i could hate you
(boonton, new jersey. i think this song is funny. i couldn't sleep one night, for obvious reasons, and at 3 am i turned on the four-track, plugged in an electric so as not to bother the neighbors upstairs, and sang the whole thing quietly into the microphone. i laughed my ass off afterward because i thought it had a certain sense of humor about it, but maybe i'm the only one who gets it.)
good night, good night for the last time
wherever you are sleep tight
i wish i could hate you but my love is true
guess i'll have to let God deal with you
you promised forever but where are you now
off with another and i hope he finds you out
i wish i could hate you but my love is true
you deserve all the pain you're running to
you kiss like an angel but your heart is hollow
so you lied and you cheated and you took back tomorrow
i wish i could hate you but my love is true
you're one and the same the devil and you
3 he made you for me
(new jersey, new york, los angeles, texas. it took me forever to write this. i worked on it everywhere i went for about a year. it was the first song i wrote after not playing my guitar much for about 12 years. for elsie.)
in the middle of the evening on a heavenly night
God said to the angels, i'm going to bed early tonight
"i've gotta get up in the morning, i've got creation on my mind
i'm gonna make the best thing i ever made, she'll be one of a kind
and on that day, this is what he did
he gave picasso a painting, he gave a play to tennessee,
he gave a song to hank and he made you for me
he said
she'll be light on her feet with a heart of pure gold
soft to the touch and she'll never grow old
she'll calm a storm with her voice and light a room with her smile
she'll have the wisdom of the ages and the innocence of a child
and on that day, this is what he did
he gave picasso a painting, he gave a play to tennessee,
he gave a song to hank and he made you for me
early on the morning after, God went to his clay
and whistling while he worked, he worked all day
and later he told the angels, my work is finally done
and as i said before to you she is the only one"
and on that day, this is what he did
he gave picasso a painting, he gave a play to tennessee,
he gave a song to hank williams and he made you for me
4 what's it gonna matter
(tyler, texas. i remembered a friend who was so bent on getting rich while he was young and strong. he died at the age of 42. i also had a few friends and acquaintances who put up with a lot of bs to keep a job, abusive bosses, long work days, grueling commutes, too much time away from family and things they enjoy. life IS too short to put up with that.)
what's it gonna matter when we come to the end of the road
another day longer can't be bought with a pot of gold
so get out of my face with all of this do what you're told
i'm a free man and i won't be bought and sold
just because you own the business doesn't mean i gotta act like your slave
if that's what you want keep your money i'm better off livin' in a cave
keep it up you're gonna wind up alone and in an early grave
i've got better things to do than to grind that stone all day
a good old dear friend of mine worked himself to the bone
he worked that overtime day and night and he never went home
he was early to rise and early dead and gone
they took all his money but they bought him a real nice tombstone
if you're a workin' man or woman pay attention to what i say
life is too short and precious to be givin' any of it away
if you don't like who you work for make a change today
do it for the money then there's gonna be hell to pay
yeah what's it gonna matter when we come to the end of the road
another day longer can't be bought with a pot of gold
so get out of my face with all this do what you're told
i'm a free man and i won't be bought and sold
5 injun and the jew
(hudson street, new york city. i sat down with my notebook and a cup of coffee and remembered one of the most beautiful bus rides i ever took. wrote the song, walked down to the cowgirl hall of fame and performed it that evening.)
star falls across the sky and i think of her the jew
she was my favorite of all the people i knew
then one day she walked away and i tried not to cry
and i tried harder still not to wonder why
we met on a bus on a cold and snowy day
she swore about her dreadful boss
spoke her words with such grace
the wrinkles round her eyes sparkled like early morning dew
thus began the sweet romance between the injun and the jew
our hearts would fill with simple thrills simply holding hands
and making love we felt our souls rise into a dance
today i cannot see her face and forever more it shall be
and though i try there's no delight in the memory
no more, no more conversations before we sleep
no more, no more will i write a song for you
and over the horizon, may it rest in peace
the sweet romance between the injun and the jew
i cannot feel her presence i don't care to hear her name
if love were true she'd still be here, better things will come my way
the myth seemed real for a while or did a farce ensue
no matter, i care no more for the injun and the jew
and if i chance to fall asleep with tears upon my bed
my quivering lips will not confess that it was ever true
you see it was just a fairy tale made up to break a heart
the love affair between the injun and the jew
the fairy tale between the injun and the jew
the sweet romance between the injun and the jew
6 sleep song
(boonton, new jersey. born out of some very sweet memories of lying next to someone while they sleep; the indelible impressions on the senses that are there even when she's not.)
i have a thought a vision so clear
all about you of when you were near
and i see you now asleep in your bed
i have a thought, a thought in my head
i have a song only you can sing
it's the sound of your breathing lying next to me
and i'd reach out and touch you if only you were here
i have a song, a song in my ear
i have a taste, a taste so sweet
it's the taste of your skin and you're lost in a dream
oh it will linger when the morning sun wakes
i have a taste, a taste on my lips
i have a scent fresh as a rose
my face to your body sleeping so close
and it stays with me always no matter where the wind blows
i have a scent sweet as a rose
i have a dream that once was my truth
and it fills all my senses with all that is you
and tonight i am transported to where it is you lay
i have a dream, may it live again some day
7 is flying fun (song for joanie)
(boonton, new jersey. it was the fall and joanie johnson, the preacher's wife, had died of cancer about a year-and-a-half or so before. someone told me that the preacher was still missing her quite a bit, understandably so. later that day, i drove past his house on my way home and i saw him out in the yard raking leaves; i remembered joanie singing in the church, her glowing personality, her bright, seemingly ever-present smile. i hope that her legacy of love has made a difference.)
today i saw a leaf
falling, floating
and i thought about how light you've become
i dream of angels and so
i dream of you
tell me, is flying fun
light through stained glass on my face
and i'm listening to your singing
your angel voice again fills this room
sunday mornings i know
you're hovering over everyone
tell me, is flying fun
your legacy of love is still burning bright
in the faces of all who love you
you are alive
and i will have faith that one day i will ascend
and i will fly with you
8 new york subway
(new york city. two guys pushed their way onto a crowded train; next stop they complained about people pushing them to get in. when i brought it to their attention that they had pushed their way into the car the stop before, one of them smiled and, for some reason, everybody around us laughed. i got off the train and started writing; finished it on the grueling crosstown bus ride to east 72nd street and york ave.)
come on
push, push, push
get in
push, push, push
hold the door
and push, push, push
you can make it
if you push, push, push
you can catch this ride
if you push, push, push, push, push
i'm riding the subway in new york city
it's a fast train, but it ain't too pretty
so take my advice, don't stand near the door
'cause you might wind up with your face to the floor
come on
push, push, push
get in
push, push, push
hold the door
and push, push, push
you can make it
if you push, push, push
you can catch this ride
if you push, push, push, push, push
it's that time of day everybody's going somewhere
so get in or get out but don't just stand there
and you're gonna get pushed, that's the way it works
there's a lot of good people but some are jerks
come on
push, push, push
get in
push, push, push
hold the door
and push, push, push
you can make it
if you push, push, push
you can catch this ride
if you push, push, push, push, push
i could've taken a bus but i decided to pass
you've got double parked trucks and cabs you get nowhere fast
i'm better off taking a chance on the train
but if i get pushed one more time i just might go insane
oh man
come on
push, push, push
get in
push, push, push
hold the door
and push, push, push
you can make it
if you push, push, push
you can catch this ride
if you push, push, push, push, push
you can catch this ride
if you push, push, push, push, push, push, push, push, push
9 the race
(boonton, new jersey. i was in a rush to get to new york, i was tired and feeling like i was giving too much to things i didn't want to give to; i stepped out my door and the breeze, the sunlight, one of those moments god gives you to calm you. i sat down on the steps and didn't leave 'til it was finished.)
when the sunrise comes to greet you
and you feel the wind on your face
and the light is brighter than expected
and you feel the pull of the race
take the time to sit quietly
even if just for a minute
imagine what the world would be like
without you in it
then get up and get back into the race
ponder the existence
of your babies one by one
or your lover, or your parents
or the earth, the moon or the sun
look back and see where you've been
ask yourself where you're bound
if you have the key to the vault, which you do,
ponder what it means to be found
then get up and get back into the race
we're always sowing seeds
and we're always reaping a crop
sometimes we're grateful for the yield
sometimes we beg to be stopped
who do you think you're fooling
whose mission are you on
forget i said anything at all
and get yourself ready to run
then get up and get back into the race
spread your arms wide open
go ahead take the first step
embrace the ideas you've hidden
be all that you haven't been yet
multiply truth times passion
throw off the bonds of regret
set sail toward the unknown familiar
leave your running shoes by the bed
then get up and go at your own pace
10 everybody's dream
(new york city. inspired by a wonderful dear friend, a.v., her laughter, kind face, intelligence, beauty; it applies to a few other women that i admire as well, elsie, k.m., p.b., s.s., j.d., j.l., m.g., m. in new mexico, j.r., my daughter, my mom. a great wedding song, i think.)
you're everybody's dream
i've heard everybody talk
they want someone with your laugh
they want someone with your walk
they want a saint to sit in judgment
they want a friend when they're in need
you're everybody's dream
but you're my reality
you're everybody's dream
and you hold a special place
in this heart of mine
for your spirit for your grace
and everything that i could ever want
is sitting right in front of me
you're everybody's dream
but you're my reality
and every time you touch me
you show me what love is all about
and i have no questions
because you take away all my doubt
you're everybody's dream
but you're my reality
you're everybody's dream
you've got that certain kind of charm
and all that i've become
is because of all you are
and when this life is over
i can say it was complete
you're everybody's dream
but you're my reality
11 catskills morning
(journal entry 09/15/02 (updated 2007). pleasant pheasant, halcottsville, new york. this was written on a porch overlooking a lake just before sunrise. the fog, the lake spilling over into a stream, a heron in flight, animal sounds in the faraway, turmoil in the middle east, leaders making stupid decisions and 9/11 remembered; god all around sharing a bittersweet moment. but it's the same for everybody, whether it's nations, races or religions quarreling or people in your own backyard refusing to get along; hate and violence have their unavoidable consequences.)
mist on the mountain, angels asleep
god shares my coffee and this moment of peace
it's been years since the mass murders in new york city
and the whole world is so ill at ease
i've been looking all around for a sign of sanity
but the wardens are running amok
so me and god sip our coffee, enjoy this catskills morning
throw up our hands and say what the heck
you can't beat 'em, you can't join 'em
so enjoy it all while you can
and god says: "don't pray for peace then go hate your neighbor,
'cause then it's out of my hands,
'cause then it's out of my hands"
maybe the book of revelations is gonna hit it right on the nose
armies are gathering in the middle east
and the four horsemen are ready to mount up and ride
gonna bring the world to its knees
when all hell breaks loose, the sound of a stream outside your window
or the sight of the setting sun so red
or the faces of your loved ones won't matter anymore
'cause you'll finally be better off dead
you can't beat 'em, you can't join 'em
so enjoy it all while you can
and god says: "don't pray for peace then go bomb your neighbor,
'cause then it's out of my hands,
'cause then it's out of my hands"
now i'm sitting here on this catskills morning on a glimmering glass of a lake
the sun up over the mountain shines warm on my face
god gets up and tells me "this is for you, every single one"
and leaves behind a world's worth of grace
i can't beat 'em, and i ain't ever gonna join 'em
and i wonder why so many can't understand
and god said: "don't pray for peace then go shoot your neighbor,
'cause then it's out of my hands,
'cause then it's out of my hands,
then it's out of my hands"
12 mr. blues
(on a bus to new york city. sometimes you know, that in spite of the fact that you're stuck in the deepest doo, sheer faith, optimism and perserverance will save you. i was also trying to think of something to feature ken hughes blues guitar, and i love crybaby blues. this is a long song, but kenny's arrangement is so sweet.)
mr. blues said to me i'm gonna hit you
right between the eyes
mr. blues said to me i'm gonna hit you
right between the eyes
and the next time you think about feelin' good
you're gonna think twice
mr. blues said you oughta know better
than try to put your life back together
mr. blues said you oughta know better
than try to put your life back together
and i'm here to put you right smack dab back in the middle
of all that stormy weather
don't try to buy a new house
don't try to find a good wife
don't try to make good money
you were never made for the good life
and don't you, don't you pray
'cause i'm the only one listening and i will catch you
if you try to run away
mr. blues said you know things ain't as bad as they look
they're a whole lot worse
mr. blues said you know things ain't near as bad as they look
they're a hell of a lot worse
and you'd be a whole lot better off if you was ridin'
in the back of a hearse
don't try to buy a new car
don't try to find a good wife
don't try to earn good money
you were never made for the good life
and don't you, don't you pray
'cause i'm the only one listening and i will catch you
if you try to run away
i said hey mr. blues, can you tell me
how long are these dark days gonna last
i said hey mr. blues, can you tell me
how long are these dark days gonna last
well i think it's time i sent you away and if you don't like it
you can kiss my ass
i got a little old used car
gotta woman she's as good as a wife
i make decent money
yeah i'm livin' the good life
yeah things been pretty good since i sent mr. blues away
but i know some of you are still lost souls
so every now and then i get down on my knees and i pray
i pray for you, you know you need it don't you
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